Seymour and Gaymour
by Eric and Derek
Summary: Seymours twin brother Gaymour desperatly tries to meet up with him. silly, but chapter 2 is on the way! by the way, Gaymour is way too queer! please read, you will laugh!NEW CHAPTER!
1. Chapter 1

**Seymour and Gaymour **

Prologue 

Seymour is a pansy, no doubt about it. However much you may love him, you can't deny the fact that he is a total moron. How many evil psychotic maniacs have a high pitched voice? Anyway this story isn't about Seymour; it's about his twin brother...

After 3 years of living together, Seymour's mother (AKA Anima) and his father, Lord Jyscal, decided they would have a child. He would be brought up as a strong leader, and have no intentions of killing or being queer. At the time of Seymour's birth, they discovered a second baby. Unfortunately, it was attached to the top of Seymour's head.

The second baby was rather unwanted. After the attention had been set on his twin brother Seymour, the twin left. Not on purpose though. He was dumped in a pile of seaweed that lay in a rock pool. The brother had the name Gaymour

About 10 years later the twins were 12. Seymour had gravity defying hair and the other had fairly " normal" short cut brown hair.

Seymour was on his way to the title " psychotic moron" and Gaymour had got himself a job as a stripper at a gay-bar. Pretty different eh?

Seymour was then unable to control the evil in him and killed his father at the age of 21. However, his brother had now got a job of wearing "invisible clothes" in parades.

**Chapter 1**

" Pretty possum, aren't you?" Gaymour said to his pet. Of course there was nothing odd about keeping a "special friend" in his apartment...but it was the only friend he had. Gaymour often wondered about his past, his fear of any water, the dent in the top of his head and his favorite hobby. (Guess...) Gaymour wanted to know more. All he knew was what had happened after the water incident.

Up 'till now, Gaymour had nothing to do and since he was butt-ugly no woman even dared to look his way in fear of sight of him! He took refuge in a cardboard box and earned a petty living of 10p licking the pigeon poop off the floor. According to him, it goes well with mayonnaise; anyway he worked his way to the top and began licking bubblegum off the street instead.

Now he wondered what he would do with his life. Maybe he should have had a different name, would hat have been any better? But he didn't seem to think so.

"Come here my pretty boy" he called to his possum. The possum stared; " okay then, have it your way, come here gorgeous!" the possum ran to Gaymour's outstretched arms.

Thousands of miles away, Seymour was eating when a message arrived. It stated "come meet me, you're hot. From you're admirer...Gaymour" Seymour rolled his eyes.

" For gods sake Gaymour! Who the hell are you?" he shouted. Seymour and Gaymour had met on the Internet. " I'm not meeting up with this God forsaken puff! Although the pictures of him he sent me are rather sexy..."

Back in Paris, Gaymour awaited the reply of rejection he had always received from Seymour. He really wanted to meet up. Ever since the web dating came out, Seymour had rejected his brother's passionate letters to meet.

A few days later, Gaymour sat in his apartment tending to his possum's needs when an extremely terrified mailman knocked on the door.

" Mail from Seymour Guado, to Gaymour Gaydo." The postman said as he cowered desperately pulling his coat over his bottom.

" Thanks for the mail gorgeous, it makes you look even more hot when you cower like that..."

" Keep away!" and the mailman began sprogging off (sprogging- verb: a word derived of jogging and sprinting, that Nyviay and Cyraxis cleverly put together. (E.g.) the run Tidus does)

" Hah! What's his problem" he opened the letter curiously " to Gaymour, seeing as you and I have a similar personality, I would also like to meet. Don't get you're hopes up...Seymour"

A month later, Gaymour was on the plane to Guado Salam...

sorry it's so short, I'll let Cyraxis write the next chapter. Please review! Even if you don't like it. It may be offensive to some, but I apologize. You defiantly can't argue with me that Seymour Guado...is a pansy.


	2. Gaymour and his Gayons

" He'll be here soon Possum!" sang Gaymour as he patrolled the house with a pink feather duster. " I simply can't WAIT for gorgeous to arrive!" he was wearing a very short fluffy pink maids dress dusting the ornaments on the windowsill and sticking out his bottom at every possible moment.

After polishing his prized collection of toy cats, he jumped with glee as a timid sort of knock was heard on the apartment door

" Whee!" he screamed as he answered the door to see the mailman

" Leave me alone!" yelled the man as he cowered and held Gaymour's post in an outstretched hand. " I'm giving you the mail and nothing else!"

" Ok, fine, I'm seeing someone else anyway!" Gaymour pouted as he snatched the letters and slammed the door in a terrified mailman's face.

He took two steps further and another knock was heard behind him on the door. He reversed and opened up.

" Er...hey..." said the mailman with a stupid girlish smile on his face " er...who you seeing?"

" Why? You jealous?"

" No, I was just wondering"

" If you must know, it's my brother"

" You're...your brother?"

"Yeah I know, fabulous isn't it?"

" No! That's just plain sick!" and with that the mailman took off

" Hmmm...ignore him Possum, he's just jealous"

He reached for the mail and observed the delicate girly handwriting on the front.

" Gaymour, where are you? We were supposed to be meeting at the airport remember? Meet me there at 3 o'clock on the 17th September. I'm not going to give you another chance after this...I'm too busy with my pathetic evil plans to become Sin. See you there...Seymour xxx"

" 17th...17th...HOLY HOT COW! THAT'S TODAY!"

" Come on...come on...where are you?" muttered Seymour as he glanced at the clock on the wall

" He probably didn't get you're letter, Maester Seymour" said Trommel (you know that freaky green guy)

" WHAT THE? HOW THE? WHEN THE? WHY?...don't sneak up on me Trommel...it's extremely uncomfortable."

" but Sir, I didn't sneak up on you...I've been here all the time!"

" don't answer me back!" yelled Seymour attracting many spectators " if you want to keep your kids alive, I suggest you keep quiet!"

" Sir, may I remind you...I don't have kids...-"

" attitude! Zippit! Na-ah! Zipped!"

" Seymour!" yelled Gaymour as he jumped on his brother's back, " good to see you! To see you good!"

"ah...hi...Gaymour..." he groaned

" lookin' as hot as ever...and wa-hey...who's this?"

" this is Trommel"

" Love the green hair baby, love it"

" I still got the charm!" smiled Trommel (which could be kinda scary, if you come face to face)

" Gaymour...do you mind?"

" mind what?"

" THE FACT THAT YOU ARE ON MY BACK! THE FACT THAT IT'S YOUR FAULT FOR MY PUBLIC HUMILIATION, AND THE FACT THAT YOU ARE LATE!"

" oh...haha, no problem...let's get strait to it!"

" strait to what?"

" strait to bending"

" what's that supposed to mean?"

" I thought...it was...a date?"

" A date? Ahah, no...is that what you thought? You got it all wrong...a date? THIS IS A WAR!"

" A...a...a...a..a war?" Gaymour squeaked " with you?"

On the runway

" So Gaymour...the can only be one pansy in Spira, and that's me!"

" na-ah no-way, you think you gonna win, you got another thing comin'!"

" this is war, not Mr. Gay UK," said Seymour as he began to summon Anima " meet...my mommy"

A huge steel claw descended from a red sky and hauled up the ferocious beast, she gave a terrifying roar and struggled against the chains that bound her,

" right, you want it that way...forget the Aeons, I'm summoning my Gayons" he danced a sort of lady's dance that involves a pole and summoned Shiva Wass ( Mr. Wass is a gay-acting teacher at my school...thank heaven he's leaving) Shiva Wass walked slowly towards Gaymour and passing by slapped his summoner on the behind " go get 'em Tiger, grrrr" mumbled Gaymour

" ANIMA! I COMMAND YOU TO USE YOUR PAIN ATTACK!"

"SHIVA WASS! UM...USE BLIZZARD"

Anima's attack sent Gaymour's Gayon reeling but Anima was barely affected by the icy attack

" oh, Shinra," cursed Gaymour " WASSY BOY, KICK HER ASS, KICK ITHARD!"

" ANIMA, DON'T STAND FOR IT, NOW YOUR OVER DRIVE IS CHARGED...**_USE IT_**!"

Before Shiva Wass was able to stand he was pulled under the ground and smashed up by Anima's Hell Friend (what else can I call it?)

" wassy...wassy...my baby...are you ok?" he reached desperately for the Gayons cold hand but it disappeared before he could finish his sentence

" nice work mommy!" called Seymour to his Aeon as she sank back into the ground " boo hoo, Gaymour, who's publicly humiliated now eh?"

" you big meanie!...now then...who the hell do I sound like?" said Gaymour as he stood up " that was uncalled for, and you didn't have to say like that!"

" cough cough Rikku cough cough...looks like you're time is up pathetic gay boy, I rule the land as TOP PANSY! I suggest you jump on the nearest plane to Fiji brother, and I won't be the one to hug and wave you goodbye...hah, Trommel, I'll leave you to do that..."

" No need to urge me Maester Seymour, I'm already half way there!"

" no need for you're good-byes," whined Gaymour " I've already seen some hot old blokes on they're merry way to Fiji!"

and with that, Gaymour was on his way to some far off country...but it wasn't Fiji...It was Bikanel Island...

heheh sorry I havn't updated for so long, I've been in France. Hoped you liked it. Cyraxis was supposed to be writing this chapter, but she couldn't get any ideas, so I did it instead. Please review...no pressure...but if you want to see you're face in the mirror again I give you this advice...REVIEW! only joking.

Nyviay xXxXx


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